I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
