You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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