When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
