he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
