You're completely useless in the revolution.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
