I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
