My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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