His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
