Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
