he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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