Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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