so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
