Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
