I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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