I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
