yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They took my balls.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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