you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
