eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
