i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
