my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
