does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
