i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
