just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
