Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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