um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
