i wish my penis had a tongue
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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