I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
