it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
