She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
