Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize