i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize