You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
