How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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