is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
