textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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