OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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