I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
