In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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