Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
