dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
