Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
