my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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