im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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