uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
