you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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