Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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