when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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