O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
