dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
