3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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