your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
