that's an acceptable place to lick
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
