I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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