If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
