I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
