JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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