Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
