I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
