He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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