I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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