i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
