just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
