So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
