everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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